Priests of the Count

Five! Five priests! Ia ia ia!

The Priests of the Count[1][2][3] or the priest-clerks of the holy Count[4] are the defenders of Yre and "absolute nutters".[4] The Count refers to what matters to Mammon (you know, money).[5] They are not pushovers.[6] They are the Shield of the Dragon.[7] They may wield a variety of weapons, but the most common is a spear tipped by a chainsaw.

They are not subtle in their interior design.[1] They are in charge of janitorial duties, which is made difficult by the non-Euclidean design of the infinite vault.[2]

They hold martyrdom in high regard and are big on sympathetic self-mortification for Mammon's own suffering. [3][8] When one of them dies, those below them are automatically promoted up a linear hearchy.[9] The six-digit counters they wear mark their position in that hierarchy. As such, the priests of the Count are led by 000001,[10] Mammon's only Emissary.[11]

Some of them are in fact adventurers who penetrated the vault in order to slay Mammon, only to find themselves unable to do so after discovering his enfeeblement.[12] Others sought to pillage the vault, but joined the priesthood so they could live in a stable and peaceful society.[13]


  • "Know this! The great dragon paid three hundredweight in silver to rid himself of earthly ties. But a burden a hundred times that did he cast off in blood. Ia! Such is wisdom!" - Dogma of the Priests of the Count[14]
  • "Uphold the Dragon! Recite the Count! Excise the Weakness from flesh!" - Tenets of the Priests of the Count[15]
  • "IA! IA! Behold the dragon! His claws are the scything blade and all is chaff!" - Lament of the Priests of the Count[16]
  • "IA! IA! The Dragon! His scales as as hard as his heart. Pity him! - Lament of the Priests of the Count[10]
  • “IA! IA!

Sharpen your chain-blades!

Pity the Dragon and Venerate the Count!”

– War Cry of the Priests of the Count Seeker of Thrones 8-97

Pity the covetous, for their wealth will turn to dust;

Pity the unrighteous, for their words will not be heard;

Pity the wicked, for their deeds will turn into daggers and plunge into their own chests;

They shall be bound with fetters and crushed under the great stones of their own evil.

Pity the Dragon and Venerate the Count! IA!

Seeker of Thrones 10-142

Commentary Edit

  • "The high caste are born and die in the Vault. They shall never feel the sun upon their face. They often wail and torment their own flesh in sorrow for the Dragon. They are holy creatures indeed." - Abbadon Seeker of Thrones 8-98
  • “In the vault of Yre, the servants of the god of the Deep number only ten thousand. They venerate the holy ranking of matyrs, by which each is known by his own number. Once a martyr dies, all below him are risen in rank and automatically promoted, thus are the priests an eternal body. To make it to the top of that holy order to the very first rank, a servant must be practically bathed in blood.” – Payapop Pritram


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